


The Movie Syndrome

by merryghoul



Category: Men in Black (Movies), Men in Black: International
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Gen, Humor, London, References to Canon, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21829948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: H and M look for an alien in a movie theater in London.
Relationships: Agent H | Henry & Agent M | Molly Wright
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	The Movie Syndrome

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alexcat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/gifts).



> Title inspired by the titles of episodes of _Men in Black: The Series._

H met M near the train terminal of MIB London. H outstretched his arms to attempt to hug H as she stepped off of the train. H clung onto the small backpack on her back and took two steps backwards from H. "I don't do hugs," M said.

H held his arms up in the air. "Oh, okay."

"Why am I here?"

"I needed someone who's good with mechanical engineering."

"You don't have anyone in London who can work on machines?"

"I do. They're not as good as you. I need someone that knows how to fix a cosmic integrator and a movie projector."

M squinted at H. "A movie projector."

"Yeah. The assignment's in a closed-down movie theater. It closed down because no one can figure out where the seats went in there. Or one of the projectors. And a screen."

"We'd better get going or whatever's in that theater is going to consume the whole street."

M adjusted her blue pillbox hat on her way to the movie theater. She was also dressed in a modest light blue dress and three inch light blue heels. H was wearing a top hat, a dress coat with tails, and was carrying an umbrella with his formal outfit. "I get being in disguise," M said, "but don't you think we're a little overdressed? People on the street are saying we're dressed for the Royal Ascot."

"We're supposed to look like a wealthy married couple," H said. 

"I'm sure looking wealthy enough to pretend to buy a theater doesn't require looking like we're going to a horse race in Berkshire."

"How do you know about the Royal Ascot? That's an English thing."

"They air the Royal Ascot on American TV, H. I've seen it."

"How do you watch a horse race when you're in MIB New York headquarters? I don't remember any TVs there."

"I saw the Royal Ascot on TV before I joined MIB."

"Oh."

In an office above the lobby in the movie theater, M and H, in their Royal Ascot-style outfits, sat down with the movie theater owner.

"We've heard your movie theater has been having problems and you would like to sell it," H said to the owner. 

"Thank goodness!" The owner had a cockney accent. "Been hard to put this thing on the market. How are you going to pay me? Cheque? Card? You two look like you have one of them fancy credit cards."

"As a matter of fact, I do. Let me pull my credit card out." H went through his pockets not to find any card, but to get his neuralyzer. All he could find was a stick of gum. "Uh, Molly, do you have your credit card?"

"What credit card?"

"You know, that credit card."

"I don't know—oh, that credit card."

M took her neuralyzer out of the cleavage of her dress. She turned to H. "How do you not have your neuralyzer?" she whispered.

H shrugged. "Guess I left it at the cleaners?"

M shook her head. "Hold on. I got this. Put your glasses on—please don't tell me you left those at the cleaners."

H put on his sunglasses. "Couldn't forget these at the cleaners."

M put on her sunglasses. She adjusted the settings of the neuralyzer to make the theater owner forget the last hour, then aimed the neuralyzer at the theater owner. "Will this AmEx Black Card do?" she said as she pressed the neuralyzer's button.

H and M, back in their black suits, stood outside watching another human change the marquee of the movie theater. 

"I don't understand," M said to H. "MIB doesn't have to pretend there's a movie in this theater."

"Actually, we do. We want to make the public feel as if everything's back to normal, so we have to pretend this theater's open and operational. MIB France bought the rights to a film a few months ago with the intention of using it as an distraction. We've scheduled a movie walk out at one movie festival already. We have very little promotion planned for this movie. I just learned we do this about every six months to allow us to do what we do." H shrugged. "I signed onto this movie on behalf of MIB London and let C do the rest. I don't think it's coming to the United States yet, so I don't think you've heard of it. I'm sure O will tell you all about it in a few month's time."

When the marquee was finished, it showed times for _Playmobil: The Movie._

In a projection room in the theater, M set up a tablet to an old projector. The projector was on, with no film inside it, when H walked into the projector room.

"Why is the projector on?"

"You brought me on this mission to find this theater-eating alien, didn't you?"

"Right."

"I've reconfigured all the projectors in this theater to be alien trackers. Here, the light from the projector is now a sensor. The tablet I've connected to the projector allows me to track alien motions in this theater. I can track all my tablets on my phone so we can get to the alien as fast as possible."

H nodded. "That's pretty smart. But what if someone comes in and actually wants to see _Playmobil: The Movie?_ You can't put the movie on a reel."

"You did get C's message?"

"Of course I got C's message." He paused. "No, wait, what was C's message?"

"He wanted to replace the projection rooms with a digital projector. We don't need to put a reel on a projector."

"Have they already been set up?"

M pointed to a digital projector beside the film projector. "They've already been set up, H."

H grabbed his suit jacket and straightened it out. "Right."

M was almost on her way out of the projector room with the makeshift alien tracker when an alert appeared on the tablet. She grabbed the tablet and made sure the tracker spotted an alien. Then she ran out of the projection room, but not before she ran into H. "What's going on?" H said.

"Follow me," M said. H followed M.

In the theater was a gigantic Squid. This Squid was five feet tall and had several tentacles coming out of its back. The Squid was pulling one chair at a time with one of its tentacles.

"Aww, it's just a little Squid," H said. 

"That Squid's as tall as I am. I wouldn't say that's little, H."

"Of course it's little!" H stepped forward. "Hello, little Squid. My name is H—"

The Squid grabbed H and lifted him above its head, pushing him as if H was a yo-yo.

"This was not the welcome I was expecting."

M sighed as she pulled out a Noisy Cricket from her pocket. "I wanted to save the Squid, too."

M adjusted the Noisy Cricket to its highest setting, aimed it at the Squid, and fired. The Squid turned into a large mass of alien goop all around the theater.

"Are you okay, H?"

H groaned. "I'm okay, thanks to falling into...I don't want to know what this is."

"Thanks for cleaning me off in the bathroom," H said outside the theater. He looked at the ground briefly. "Well, I guess you've gotta go back to New York."

"I do."

"I just want to know, if you need anything..."

A man walked up to the ticket office and banged the glass front. "Anyone in there?" The man had a Mancunian accent. "I've been looking for this movie for the longest time. You are showing _Playmobil: The Movie,_ right?"

"You did intend for this theater to be operational?" M asked H.

"Yeah, I did."

"I can take this man's ticket."

"I can pop popcorn, clean the toilets, and get cleanup to leave as soon as possible."

"I can run the projector in the good theater. Which means I'm staying a while longer. You'd better enjoy it."

The two nodded and headed back in the theater before the Mancunian could leave the ticket office.


End file.
